It’s necessary to swear XYZ@#!%*& when you are angry, or is it?

How do you react when you are feeling angry or frustrated? Do you handle the situation and respond calmly or the first thing you do is to blow your top off (before you even realize you have done so)? Textbook tells us to ”Take a deep breath, slowly count 1, 2, 3… to 10, and speak calmly as you can”. Seriously, how many can actually remember to do this when things happen?? I, for one belongs to the latter most of the time when come to disciplining my children despite knowing what needs and should be done instead.

Yes, I think CONTROL is the key word. To be precise, it is to be IN CONTROL of my own mind and thus action, and not the other way round. First I need to be AWARE of my own thoughts. When unpleasing things happen, can I take a back step, hold my anger (and preferably count 1 to 10.. LOL) and feel how I am feeling now? If I am angry, upset, am I sober enough to ask WHY am I upset? Can I have a resolution with this feeling of being upset? I do feel guilty when I raise my voice and say things that I regret later. Especially to young children (my children are 7 and 3), they are sponges soaking in everything at this stage, I got to constantly remind myself this and to exercise some self-control ability so they can learn the virtue of self-control.

My daughter said something profound to me the other day which simply melted me and it was a great reminder. She said: “You didn’t angry with me at all when I was 1 or 2 years old. Why are you angry with me now??”

My questions to you my friends, how do you handle unpleasing situations? Are you REACTIVE or are you able to take a back step and RESPOND calmly to the situation? Why are you angry in the first place? Some have the habit of swearing ABC, XYZ@#!$%# when they feel frustrated or angry. Do you think it is necessary to swear? Does it mean you are more MAN when you swear? I have not sworn for a long time (yes, I confess I did that when I was much younger). Does it necessary make any difference? I don’t remember feeling any better by swearing.  In fact, it actually has a limiting effect to the subconscious mind.

I have witnessed first hand how my mentor handled and resolved extremely challenging situation by being calm. One thing I learnt from that incident was that, you got to first be calm and clear headed no matter what the other party says. It is a reciprocal effect. When you are calm, you speak at a calm, assuring tone, have eye to eye contact, stand at a comfortable arm length distance, respond calmly to whatever the other party have to say, he or she will slowly calm down as well. It takes skills, efforts, practice, and most importantly to me, courage and a willingness to inspire and making a difference. And when you achieve it, it is a breakthrough. On the other hand, anger begets anger. So the choice is in your hand.

I am still learning from my children everyday. They are my best teachers :)